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Saturday, September 5, 2015

A War With Canada

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       The United States of America has sent an ultimatum to Canada demanding that Canada cedes Prince Edward Island to the United States by 11:59 EST by the 11th of September, 2015.
          In response to the ultimatum, India, Ireland, Iceland, the United Kingdom, Portugal, Spain, Andorra, France, Belgium, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, Germany, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, Poland, the Czech Republic, Slovakia, Belarus, Ukraine, Moldova, Romania, Hungary, Austria, Lichtenstein, Slovenia, Croatia, Serbia, Kosovo, Montenegro, Albania, Macedonia, Italy, Monaco, Bulgaria, Greece, Turkey, Mexico, the Bahamas, Haiti, the Dominican Republic, Belize, Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Panama, Columbia, Venezuela, Guyana, Suriname, Peru, Brazil, Bolivia, Paraguay, Uruguay, Chile, the Russian Separatists in Crimea, the Western Saharan rebels, Algeria, Egypt, Nigeria, South Sudan, Ethiopia, Angola, South Africa, Lesotho, Israel, Azerbaijan, Armenia, Georgia, Kazakhstan, Mongolia, Laos, the Philippines, Papua New Guinea, Japan, South Korea, New Zealand, Australia, and Switzerland have offered aid to Canada should the United States attempt to annex Prince Edward Island. Morocco withdrew its offer to support Canada when the Canadian Government accepted aid from the Western Saharan rebels. Bangladesh and Bhutan have allied themselves with the United States. Argentina decided to remain neutral due to the fact that it is secretly concentrating on occupying the Falkland Islands, and Ecuador claims that it is busy trying to convince the European Union to allow it to switch to the Euro.
          Switzerland instated a military draft earlier today, and began production of 15 nuclear bombs. It sent an ultimatum to the United States demanding that the country withdraw its claim to Prince Edward Island and relinquish control of the Dakotas to Switzerland. The United Nations quickly convinced the Swiss Government to withdraw its request for the Dakotas by pulling up Google Images and showing the Swiss Government pictures of the states. Upon hearing that the Swiss Government had dropped its claim to the Dakotas, the locals scheduled a referendum on whether or not to become a Swiss territory, or not. Recent polls show a 96.3% approval rate for joining Switzerland. Further negotiation is necessary to convince the Swiss to halt their production of nuclear bombs, though it is expected that the United Nations will manage to strike a deal with the Swiss eventually.    
          Donald Trump, a 2016 nominee for president on the Republican ticket, has stepped in in full favor of the invasion of Canada saying that “The Canadians are a ticking time bomb, if they aren’t subdued soon, they will become a superpower and take over our beautiful country. We shouldn’t stop at Prince Edward Island either,” he continued, “We should annex Quebec, New Brunswick, Newfoundland, and British Columbia too so that they will never have a chance to become a threat to U. S. power again.” Trump later remarked that he expected to win the Canadian vote in the next presidential election.
The North Korean Government has taken the opportunity to declare war on Mozambique and Zimbabwe. Meanwhile, the Federated States of Micronesia has invaded Chad and the British Antarctic Territory declared its independence from the United Kingdom before unanimously voting to join Uzbekistan.
           One thing is for certain. Our world’s borders are bound to look very different, very soon.

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