Misleading Names Part One: Kansas City,
Dear City of Kansas City,
I recently visited your city. I noticed that the
Misery Missouri River
runs through your settlement. It is
really nice. However, I noticed that while your city is called Kansas City, it
is in Misery Missouri. This is misleading to all Americans and needs to
be changed now.
Why would you even choose to name a city after the state of Kansas, anyway?
I feel that you have three choices. You could cede your city to Kansas, physically move the city into Kansas, or change its name.
Becoming a part of Kansas would allow you to merge with the Kansas City there, completely clearing up the confusion among the citizens of Our Great Nation. Plus
Misery Missouri wouldn’t be able to complain, because you would be
a part of Kansas.
Similarly, you could vacate the city itself on the
Misery Missouri side and move
all your citizens to Kansas City, Kansas. This, too, is a simple way to solve
your dire problem.
Before you consider either of the steps listed above, I encourage you to decide which state you find less pleasant, Kansas, or
You could also change the name of your city. Unfortunately, there is already a
Missouri City in the state of Misery Missouri. Too bad. Instead, you
could rename your city, Misery City, City, Settlement, Town, Misery
Missouri Settlement, Misery Missouri Town, That City in Misery
Missouri, That Settlement in Misery Missouri, or That Town in Misery
Missouri. This, too would fix your problem, and help America.
As you can see, there are many ways that you can solve this pressing issue. Your city’s name is a mistake, but it can be fixed. The sooner you solve your problem, the less time the citizens of Our Great Nation will have to spend in utter confusion over this incredibly pressing issue.
God Bless America,
Stephen B. Thompson