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Sunday, September 20, 2015

The Papal States on the Rise Again?

Pope Francis the First has taken a bold step today by enacting an immigration policy in direct defiance with centuries of tradition in Vatican City. Up until now, the only way to become a citizen of the country was to be appointed one by the pope. Once the law takes effect on January, 1st 2018, any Catholic citizen will be able to move into the country.
          The reason for the date upon which people will be able to move into the Vatican being so far off, is that housing has to be made more readily available for larger populations. It has come to the pope’s attention that the Sistine Chapel has room for multiple floors of apartments in it, so the chapel will remain a chapel on the bottom floor, while two floors of apartments will be added on top of that. The curvature of the ceiling, the pope concluded, will allow for an attic that will be used to store communion wine. Saint Peter’s Basilica will be turned into another apartment building, with the dome being used to store communion bread, as well as housing a new company known as Vatican City Candles TM that will be the largest candlestick factory in the world.
          Saint Peter’s Square is also scheduled to become a business center home to the largest Chinese, Japanese, Mexican, Peruvian, French, English, Mongolian, Armenian, Italian, Indian, Turkish, Swedish, Russian, Sudanese, South Sudanese, Ukrainian, Polish, Greek, Egyptian, Brazilian, Argentinian, Iranian, North Korean, Israeli, Finnish, Belgian, German, Spanish, Syrian, Australian, Ethiopian, Libyan, Chilean, Tanzanian, Norwegian, Icelandic, Irish, Bosnian, Montenegrin, Albanian, Estonian, Moroccan, Vietnamese, Uzbekistani, Zambian, Tunisian, South African, Sri Lankan, Namibian, and Jordanian restaurants in the world. It will also have Vatican City Candlesticks TM, the second largest candlestick factory in the world. The “pesky obelisk” in the center of the square will be blown up.
          Kim Jong-Un has voiced his disapproval for the plan and has decided to invade Rwanda.
          The pope has also formed strong diplomatic relations with Angola and is going to be heading to Luanda, its capital, tomorrow in order to attempt to strike up a trade alliance with the country. In response to this new trade alliance, North Korea redeployed troops from Rwanda to Djibouti, occupying them as well. The pope (and every other country in the world except Bhutan) has denounced these actions and a coalition led by Slovenia is planning to reoccupy Djibouti and Rwanda. The two countries will then be combined into one called The Free State of Djibouti and Rwanda.

          The pope’s new radical reforms have led to some negative responses from the Catholic Church, and especially, the Cardinals. Of the 220 Cardinals, 56 have retired and converted to Buddhism. Another 14 of the Cardinals have moved to New Zealand, meaning that only 150 of the Cardinals remain. The bigger question, however, is whether or not these new reforms will be upheld when a new pope is elected.

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